Note to self: I should forgive myself, and move on

With everything building up and overwhelming me, I need to just let go of what’s holding me down…

It was a small world after all. As I encounter various stuff as I pass by, I am always remember how regretful I am on what’s happening to me right now. I am stuck. Throughout my whole PhD life, I have always committed mistakes that gets worse as I go along this road. These mistakes have not only gave me hindrance to achieve my goals, but it also affected the people I cherished. Newfound friendships shattered, great plans busted, experiences missed.

Perhaps this is what grad school is. Everyone is expecting you to become the best; and the burden of failure becomes immense. It is paradoxical to the notion that you’re still learning towards the workings of the academic track. As we are considered adults by age, committing grave mistakes can compromise longstanding relationships built upon time.

Committing mistakes is part of our existence. As people always say, we have our own imperfections. In our mistakes, we learn. If we lose the battle, that is when we recognize the value of winning. Yet, there are always persons (like me) who gets frustrated of committing mistakes, especially if the same mistake is repeated. This is my struggle, and also of many others who cannot forgive themselves.

Although the world we live in is unforgiving, we need to remember to let go of our frustrations, try again, and learn from the mistakes we made. Anyway, God knows our struggles; and by his mercy, we are forgiven. Despite the struggles on making things right, God understands what is happening to us. Although the world sees us as a mistake, God does not see us as an accident. We need to let go of all the burdens in our hearts, so that we can find the peace within. We press on and move forward (I always try to remember this line in many instances.)

Personally, it’s really hard to let those burdens go. But I need to see things in another perspective. As long as there is life, we still have chances to make things right. Making things right does not cover up our mistakes, but it makes our life worth living for. After all, our perseverance to do what’s best for us matters most among everything.